I Had Forgotten...

...How wonderful it is just to sit in my living room and sing... really... loud!

I am revisiting some songs from a few years ago that I actually used to sing quite a bit, but sadly I have lost along the way. I remember Jen and I sitting for house practicing songs JUST for a Thursday night karaoke session. It's not like we were real singers, but we put in a lot of hours perfecting our songs. Most of them we could do without the words, but would still look at the monitor so as not to have to look at the audience. I mean, what if they didn't like what I was singing? I guess I actually cared what they thought back then.

I need to get back to singing. For Me. For my love of music. For the songs and the music *I* want to sing, and not worry about the crowd that is there. They aren't paying to see me sing. I don't owe them anything but to sing what *I* love, because really... that's when I sing the best. From the heart.

This week I may go back to singing what *I* love. Maybe even this Thursday.

Soundtrack: Good Enough ~ Evanescence

Every Weekend Should End This Way...

I was thinking... did I dream that last night? Then I got up and saw my butt plug wine stopper on the table and realized... nope it was real. *giggle*

I rushed over to Starbucks to dish with Danelle and get my morning crack and she wasn't even there! WTH? What happened to being here at 8? I text her and she informs me she didn't even have to be at work until 11! We could have stayed at the wedding longer.. and I could have had cake! Oh well, if I am going to lose weight, cake is certainly not what I need!

I decided I would head down to the park and watch CS in the gig he had in the afternoon. After all he did mention it to me, so you know of course he wants me to go... right? Right! I just don't want him to think I am a crazy stalker. As I am getting ready he sends me a text that says "I like pudding". I got a huge smile on my face and thought... ok I guess that reaffirms I am making the right decision. I text him that his "Favorite Groupie" would be there.

I got there a little late because I went and saw Juana before I left. When I finally got there, I had to find parking. That wasn't so bad if you didn't mind walking a couple of blocks. I grabbed my chair and plopped down in the sunshine in the back of the crowd. I looked around... um... I was the youngest person there. It was like I was at Geritol - A - Palooza! Now I know it was going to be older music, but I wasn't expecting so many seniors in lawn chairs. They took a break soon after I got there and I was thrilled to get a text from CS asking me if I was there. I walked over to where he was, and he hugged me. We talked and laughed bit and then he had to go back up on stage. I got to finally hear him do some songs. Just wow. He does his schmaltzy stuff and I melt like butter. I'd give my first born to have him sing like that TO me... *swoon* I can't help it. I am such a sucker for a good sexy man who can sing.

He invited me to go to get something to eat with a couple of people from the band, and of course I excepted. The conversation was funny, and interesting, but it was musician talk. I loved it. I did! However, I feel so out of my league when I was with them. At one point CS told them I was singer. I was horrified. I mean yes I love to sing with all of my heart, and music for me is my life. I would rather be dead than never be able to sing again. I feel like I have some talent, but I am JUST a karaoke singer... I have never sang with a band or had a real gig like these people. I don't have my own gig, or show, or CD. I have no idea where this insecurity is coming from. I am usually so sure of myself... so confident. I guess I am afraid I will say something silly, and I will be right back to "I like glitter". I need to just take a huge breath and be me... cause really *I* love me, and I kinda think CS likes me too.

His friends left and we had a moment alone, and I felt really comfortable sitting there with him. Talking, and laughing. Sadly the day had to come to an end because he had a hot date with a puppy. He walked me to my car and we had a moment that I didn't want to end.

I think every weekend should end like this...

Sound Track: Lady Antebellum ~ Just A Kiss

Saturday Night Didn't Suck!

Wednesday my friend Danelle asked me if I wanted to be her plus one at a wedding on Saturday. 

Me: "will there be cake?"

Danelle: "I guess so?"

Me: *shrug* Sure why not?"

This also gave me an excuse to go buy a new outfit, so out I went. I bought everything on clearance so I didn't feel too bad. I came home and showered got into my new black pants and pink paisley top and came down stairs to show Lisa, my daughter.

Lisa: "Oh mom. I don't love that. It looks like... fat girls clothes"

Me: "I am trying not to be so... um... glittery."

Lisa: "Mom, that's just not you, go put on something that's glittery and shows your boobs."

She's right. Glittery is just... me. I am bubbly and fun and sparkly... love it or leave it. I opted for the flowey black pants, a zebra print top and some black high heels. I wanted something different, so I had Lisa tease my hair. This ended with me just leaving it down due to the amount of wind we were having, much to Lisa's dismay.

I don't think this is going to end well

Danelle shows up in, black flowey pants and a black and white top... Great we are twins. *sigh* We get to the house and we park, where we sit, because we are early. While we are there I notice a drawing of a penis on her car window. I asked her... Is that a penis? She said oh yes my son drew it on there and I just can't bring myself to wash it off.... It's been there, for TWO YEARS! WTF? Um... okkkk I get how maybe he drew you a picture in second grade of a turkey with his hand and you kept it forever... but a penis? On your car window? OH and not just one, but a forehead penis and a penis shaped like the space shuttle. Again I say, WTF? There better be an open bar...

We make our way up the driveway from hell, and into the party where they are still taking pictures. We stand there awkwardly for a few minutes. I can see the bar, but I don't want to be rude, so I wait... and wait... and wait. Finally the hostess informs us that the bartender makes an amazing tequila sunrise. Yes please! After two drinks I realize there are a lot of Guidos standing around. Um... Jersey Shore called and wants their cast back! At dinner we sat at the "inappropriate table" Named so because during the toast (heartfelt and touching as it was...) all the people at my table began asking if the wedding favors were butt plugs... Really? I may have started that conversation. I'm not sure. You can't prove a thing! 

It's clearly a wine stopper! Right?

The food was amazing, and so were the conversations with the couple at the table with us. I haven't laughed that hard in months! Danelle doesn't get out much so we went home early. That's ok... It's going to take baby steps to get her up to my level of adventure.

After 5 tequila sunrises, and some bacon wrapped figs, I was feeling very brave. I ended up texting CS, and telling him I was at at Jersey Shore wedding. I didn't hear back from him for a while, so I thought well maybe he's busy, or thinks I am a tard... I ended up heading over to the neighbors for their usual margarita madness. While I was there I got a reply that he had just ended a show and asked me where I was. I told him I was at home and he asked if I was up for a drink. WELL DUH! I jumped in the car so fast I forgot to brush my hair and put my ear rings back on... I met him at the bar and we watched the karaoke for a while. I attempted to sing a song, and he was nice about my attempt, but I knew it was bad. Not up to my usual standards since I haven't been singing much I guess. We closed the bar, talking and laughing. I told him about the "I Like Glitter" story. He told me his "I like pudding" story. He told me he had a show Sunday in the park and if I wasn't doing anything I should come down. As silly, and simple, and crazy as it seems it was really really sweet, and I haven't had so much fun in a long time. He walked me to my car. There was a moment, but I'll save the details for myself! It was a perfect end to a fabulous night. I drove home giddy as a school girl!

Saturday night sure didn't suck!

Sound Track:  Etta James ~ A Sunday Kind Of Love

The Simpler Things

When I was 30 something I wanted a lot of stuff. Purses, hats, clothes, Christmas decorations, and pretty much anything put on sale at Target. The problem with that is. I ran out of space. Now I still have plenty of room in my townhouse for lots more stuff, but really why? How much is too much? When does it earn you a spot on Hoarders the TV show? Will I end up with 500 boxes of Lemax village houses piled up around me, and they come in and find a dead cat in the hoard? I don't even own a cat so I'm not sure where it would come from, but they always have a dead cat in those houses so I figure it's kind of thrown in for effect.

I still find joy in shopping, but I find MORE joy in simple things. Good conversation, laughter with friends, good music, good food, A smile from a neighbor and beauty in the world around me, I am so blessed to live on the Central Coast of California. People here are (mostly) still good, honest, hard working and nice.


Every morning I go to the Starbucks in the Albertson's and every morning I can see the lady that says good morning, and tells me how whatever I am wearing is her favorite color that day. I used to think she was a little touched, but now I just see her as the happy lady that always makes me smile. I honestly look forward to seeing her. Then there are the girls that work there, from the younger ones, to the one I went to high school with who I can be snarky and banter with. Then there is H. I went to high school with him too, and had a wicked crush on him, but he never knew. He comes in every morning to get coffee around the same time I do. He's sarcastic, and funny, and we always have a good laugh about something silly. I look forward to these mornings. I leave that place with a smile on my face and I think, how awesome is it that not only do I get my "Sweet Nectar of The Gods" aka triple venti mocha, but also I get to have ten minutes a day with some really genuinely wonderful people who start my morning off great!

Tonight I sit here and write this blog while I watch my dog sleeping next to me on the couch and the neighbor's kids splashing in the water out front and I think... maybe I don't have the big house, with the nice furniture, and the fancy car. Maybe I don't have a 50' TV, and a speed boat to use at the lake, but honestly... I don't need those things.

Life is good.

Sound Track: Billy Dean ~ Simple Things

Take Two...

Once upon a time I had a blog...

It was great! I wrote in it every day. I was snarky and funny, and I amused hundreds of followers. Then I stopped. Life got complicated and I lost my funny. I don't know that I will find it again. At least not like I had it when I was in my 30s. I'm different now. I am older and maybe wiser?

I still do crazy things. I still like vodka. I still chase that romantic notion that somewhere out there, there is an awesome guy who will love me for me. I still have a crazy family. I still have amazing friends, and of course I still have a crazy job that brings me lots of blogging materiel. I am just hoping to be a little deeper once in a while.

Maybe...

Sound Track:  Linda Ronstadt ~ Trouble Again